The view from this mat

Oh yeah I have a blog

Life huh?  Busy isn't it?  Work has been hectic and my gym classes have suffered because of it, I've kept attendance up as best I can but it's fair to say my routine has been sketchy at best for the last month or so.

One of the classes I attended last week was yoga, always one of my favourites especially on a  Friday evening as it sets you up perfectly for the weekend.  Well it used to until more and more people were packed into the class and there was no room to swing a cat.  Cue skank footed man.

The first time he set-up in front of me there really was no room so we were all a bit close for comfort, during cobra pose my face was alarmingly close to his rough AF peeling skinned feet.  It was horrible and ruined the class but it's one of those things so *shrug* I tried to put it behind me until last Friday when he set-up in front of me again.  Gah!  The trouble was there was plenty of room for him to move somewhere else and give us both the room we needed but he didn't. then class began and he put he skank feet on my mat.  NOPE.  I had to leave the class for a moment if I didn't I probably would have punched him in the face, which of course is not very yoga.

Time for a change

I've been doing my current gym routine now for about a year so really it's time for a change and this was the prompt I needed to do that so next week Sarah and I are going to give spinning a try.  I've heard it's pretty brutal but I'm really excited to give it a try, the bonus is it's at the gym just around the corner from me rather than all the way across town so that's a win.

The view from this mat

OH NO!

Pat the Twat is back!  He has been M.I.A. for about two months, I can't say I've been very upset about that and then at yoga the other night he rocked up with that sneer on his face.  Damn.  Not only was Pat there but it was a total testosterone fest as well, usually we have one or two men but we got up to about 12, something I hasten to add I don't have a problem with but my goodness the competitive breathing, grunting and farting was a bit much!  Calm yourselves gentleman yoga is supposed to be chill!

Like water rushing in

I missed Combat a couple of times last month and when I returned my sacred spot at the front near the fire doors was taken!  Erm... what?  A bunch of tweens had muscled in while I was away, damn it!  It just goes to show you shouldn't skip class, don't worry though Sarah and I are working on reclaiming our rightful place permanently, a couple of weeks with us flailing about in front of them will be enough to put anyone off and we will once again have all the kicking room we need.  

Wish me luck

So I've not been cycling to work recently, it has been a horrible, busy and stressful time recently and to be frank I have been putting off going in until the last minute which means driving not cycling.  But that must change!  I love cycling in and the exercise high you get to start your day, plus my work is at the top of a hill, so by knocking off time I can whizz down the hill to home in no time at all.  Fingers crossed it doesn't rain tomorrow...

Edit: I didn't cycle it is absolutely tipping it down!  Maybe tomorrow?

The view from this mat

The trouble I have with yoga

I am a yoga fan, the benefits to be gained from having a yoga practice are immense - I'm so much more flexible then I used to be, I'm calmer, able to cope with life better and I feel it making me stronger.  All of these things are very practical benefits.  You don't need me to tell you that yoga has developed from an incredibly spiritual core and aligns itself with earth energy and chi and stuff like that (I am no expert obviously) and this is where my trouble with yoga comes in.

Should I have a practice that focuses purely on the fitness and stretching elements of yoga and dismiss the spiritual side of it because it makes me uncomfortable?  This question was raised for me on Friday when our normal teacher was away and we had a different lady covering the class who takes a very different approach...

Crack open the crystal water

So to give a bit of background the lady covering our class on Friday was witness to me getting wound up by Pat the Twat (you can read about him here) she is tight with Pat so I'm not flavour of the month with her.  Throughout the class she was casting me some shade which is fine I'm not her number one fan either but it's when she fetched the spritzer bottle from her bag and started spraying 'crystal infused water' in the air to cleanse the room and bring energy to the class that I questioned why I was there.  I'm sorry, I just can't get down with that, it feels like nonsense to me which raises the question - can you have one without the other?  Is it my place to pick and choose the bits of yoga I like and dismiss the bits I don't?  I really don't know, but I would be really interested to hear your thoughts on it in the comments!

Well that's distracting

Anyway whilst lying on our fronts deep breathing in our class on Friday I couldn't help but notice that there were an awful lot of pasty crumbs on the floor of the studio.  I had to chuckle to myself because the very presence of pasty crumbs on the floor of a room that has been cleansed with crystal infused water just seemed ridiculous!  Very different worlds collided in that class on Friday on more than one level.

The view from this mat

Inspiration

One of the things that originally put me off going to the gym was the idea of jiggling about next to honed and ridiculous gym bunnies casting their critical eye upon me.  What I actually found was a really supportive group of people, yes of course there are some arsehats but the majority of people are just trying to be healthier and fitter.  One such person is a guy who joined yoga a couple of weeks ago, he's clearly on a journey to get fitter, like all of us.  He's quiet, keeps himself to himself, turns up, works out and tries hard, and I'm endlessly impressed by him.  There's no posturing or making a big thing about how many people he knows in class and how he is a regular unlike....

The kill em with kindness couple

They don't sound too bad do they?  They're SUPER chatty, fake friendly (that's not just me being a bitch I have witnessed the teethy smiles to a persons face followed by the bitchy comments behind their back) and loud, they dominate every class they're in by demonstrating loudly that they have in jokes with the instructors.  

On a Thursday there is a pilates class straight after yoga, before the yoga class attendees have even had the chance to get their shoes on the kill em with kindness couple storm in to claim their space.  In theory I don't have a problem with that, we all have our 'spot' in each class but they claim their spot by dumping their stuff on you, literally ON YOU (they put a bag on my friends legs the other day).  To make matters worse the bloke in this irksome couple stinks, tangy, nasty, sweat stink which wafts around the room and punches you in the face. A courtesy spritz of deodorant would be appreciated by everyone fella.

The machine

The machine also goes by the name of Simon, he's our new Tuesday Body Pump instructor, he's really nice and built like a brick shithouse.  I like the energy and enthusiasm he brings to the class, last Tuesday he was covering the Body Combat class I take before I do Pump and seriously he is a MACHINE he just keeps going and going, he even claimed that the new Combat track was 'easy' hahahahahahaha!  Watching him roll those shoulders whilst upper cutting was confusing, his arms made perfect circles, I didn't even know that was possible!  Here is a visual representation of Simon:

I hope someone out there in blog land is writing about the curly haired lady at the gym who has no coordination or sense of timing!  What gym characters have you come across?

The view from this mat

I have had a few days away from the gym this week as I was in London for a long weekend but last week I witnessed some classic gym characters.

This isn't the Moulin Rouge

On Tuesdays #fudgeitfatclub members (Sarah and I) take ourselves to Body Combat and Body Pump.  Combat is ace and slightly daft, lots of kicking and punching to some quality tunes.  We stand at the front of the class, not to show off but simply to give ourselves room to flail about in an uncoordinated fashion.  But lo!  A new comer to the class set herself up behind us... a little too close for comfort but it happens, we shuffle forward.... she shuffles forward, and then the kicking portion of the class started.  She would kick between Sarah and I, we would shuffle forward, she would do it again despite having plenty of room behind her, GAH.  Time to deploy the pincer movement, as part of the class we run forward, as we're shuffling back we come together to fill the gap between us and push Captain Kicky backwards (without actual physical contact I hasten to add).  Needless to say at the next lesson she attended she cast us some serious shade.

I can't tear my eyes away

Thursday = yoga day, one of my favourite classes.  There are a number of regulars (remember Captain Breathy?) but last week we had a gentleman turn up who I hadn't seen before, he'd obviously been to yoga before because he had the moves (well most of them).  He set his mat up in front of me, all good I had lots of space to be zen, and then the class was taken through Cobra and into Downward Facing Dog...... my eyes!!  Dear sir, those shorts do not fit well, is that a brown eye I spy?  *Shudder*

Tonight I'm off to Yoga and will be trying Pilates for the first time, I'll let you know how it goes!

The view from this mat

So alongside netball I've also been taking a few classes at the gym my favourites being Body Combat (lots of kicking and punching) and Body Pump (weight lifting) but I've also taken up a bit of yoga to balance things out and to have a nice stretch.  I've met a wide range of people on this new adventure, some good, some... well you decide.

Cast list in order of appearance

Captain Breathy - within the type of yoga class I attend we are encouraged to practice ujjayi (pronounced oo-jai) breathing a deep diaphragmatic breath.  You are encouraged to breath out in such a way that you can hear your breath, fine, no problem my class mates and I can do this in such a way that is not disruptive to our fellow yoga practitioners but still demonstrates the correct technique.  Then there is Captain Breathy. Captain Breathy takes things to a whole new level, he considers himself quite the pro and rushes ahead of the teachers instruction just to prove he knows which moves are coming next and his ujjayi can be heard down the street by a partially deaf person over traffic noise and the thumping, thumping techno beat of the Body Pump class taking place next door.  Not cool Captain Breathy, not cool.

Pat the Twat - Another experienced yoga practitioner, Pat is so zen he seems to forgets where he is half the time.  Pat the Twat will check his phone at regular intervals throughout the class, just to give you some context, we're in a dimly lit room meant to promote a calm and focused mind so it's always a joy when Pat the Twat activates the mega beacon that is the light on his phone.  Pat also likes to stand in the queue to check-in to class wistfully gazing around the room taking it all in, (the queue has snaked out of the door and therefore you can be stood there for some time) he then waits until he gets to the check-in desk to look for his membership card which is inevitably not in the first four pockets he searches in, what a twat.

The farter - aww poor lady, boat pose can be a devil especially if you're in a relaxed state.  You let one go, that's ok don't worry about it.  We never saw you again, it was just one trump too much for you wasn't it?

This is not very karmic 

All of this makes me appear very un-yoga, not very karmic.  I should let these moments pass by me like a leaf being carried along by a gently babbling stream... Except they're really funny and sometimes make me actually LOL, plus it makes great blog fodder.